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Silent Night

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Stille Nacht! Heilige Nacht!

Alles schläft. Einsam wacht

Nur das truate heilige Paar.

Holder Knab’ im lockigten Haar,

|: Schlafe in himmlischer Ruh! :|

Stille Nacht! Heilige Nacht!

Hirten erst kundgemacht

Durch der Engel Halleluja

Tönt es laut bei Ferne und Nah:
|: „Jesus der Retter ist da!“ :|

Stille Nacht! Heilige Nacht!

Gottes Sohn! O! wie Lacht!

Lieb’ aus deinem göttlichen Mund,
Da uns schlägt die rettende Stund’.
|: Jesus! in deiner Geburt! :|

Christmas Nights

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 13:51:39 GMT

The night of our big snow storm I sat at home alone. Only the Christmas tree lights and the glow of the yule log* shone through the darkness.

Christmas carols softly played. I felt so small. Miles and miles away my brother was out on the road, trying to make it home. This feeling in the pit of my stomach told me something was not right.

I prayed. And I listened. The logs on the fire burned down. My mom finally called and said that everything was alright. He had been in an accident but everyone was safe and only one car was damaged.

I praised God for His providence! And settled back to enjoy the tree, the music and the gift which He gave!

*Yule Log Courtesy of Comcast on Demand. Sadly we don't have a fireplace.

'Snow' Fabulous!

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 16:00:00 GMT

This weekend started on a very sour note. My mom, sister, aunt, and cousin were all supposed to come up for the weekend. We had planned to go to the German Christmas Market, see the light show at the old Wanamaker Building (currently Macy's), and visit the new German restaurant on South Street. But a threatening snow storm canceled all these plans.
On my way home from work on Friday I was very upset. Wallowing in pity and loneliness, I cursed the snow. You see weekends aren't that fun for me. My husband works overnights on the weekends. So when I sleep he's at work. When I'm enjoying a day off, he's sleeping. So this time with my family was a huge treat! We knew that it was the best decision to have them stay home. They ended up with two feet of snow. We got two feet of snow too! It's the second largest snowfall in Philadelphia history!

(Rittenhouse Square)

It started snowing in the city around 5am. And it didn't stop till about 9am Sunday morning. For 24+ hours it fell. And the result was a winter wonderland. I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle staying inside all day. So Saturday morning I bundled up and headed to the Christmas Market. It was of course closed. The city was beautiful.

(Masonic Temple)

I headed to Cosi for some lunch. I ate, read a good book, and sipped my mocha. I had a wonderful chat with my brother. Chris then met me and we walked around some more.

Church was canceled on Sunday. I spent the morning doing laundry. Then we headed out again to run some errands. The roads were still covered. People were digging out cars and shoveling sidewalks. I love the sense of community a snow storm brings to the city. Not often will strangers help push your car out of a snow bank. Or smile as you walk by telling you to be careful because it's slick.
The weekend was topped off with football and hot soup. It wasn't at all what I had planned for. But fabulous just the same!

Advent Week 4

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 13:00:00 GMT

In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."

"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"

The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God."

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her.

~Luke 1:26 – 38~

Mary is a character in the Nativity story that I seem to understand the least. As a woman I should be able to relate to her.

First of all, she seems very mature for her age. Historically speaking she was probably a young teenager. When a girl reached an age where she was able to have children, she was married off. I completely understand this. Children were expensive to support, and childbirth was dangerous. A family married off daughters to avoid another mouth to feed. Economically speaking, if you waited till your daughter was 18 to marry, and she died in childbirth, you have just lost a dowry and those 5 years of food to feed your daughter. The earlier you marry them off, you still pay a dowry, but over the long term, there is a savings.*

Even though, Mary was a good 12 years younger than I am now, I have to believe that she was emotionally eons ahead of me. Compared to today’s options, life for Mary was limited. Life for everyone was limited. From a young age she would have learned to cook and clean, to mend clothes, and perform chores. The expectation to bear children, was perhaps similar to the expectation my parents had for me to attend college. Little Israelite girls grow up hearing that they could be whatever they wanted to be. No wonder I needed to go through 17 years of schooling. When the options are relatively limitless, it takes forever to decide what you want to be. And then there is the whole issue of finding yourself. Had Mary told her parents she was taking a year off to travel and “find herself” they would have thought her crazy. Life was not a blank sheet of paper. It was a very short map from birth to marriage to death.

This is the first reason I don’t connect with Mary. I get lost in the historical context. I want to say that Mary, very early, accepted the life she was expected to live; as if she had other choices and embracing this one was a last resort. I can’t put myself in her shoes and unlearn life the way it’s lived today.

The second reason I have trouble relating to Mary is the fact that she lets God disrupt her life.** So Gabriel comes to Mary and says that she’s been found favorable in the sight of God. Awesome! What does Mary win?? Shame, embarrassment, dishonor, disrespect, loss of family, loss of status, loss of love. She knew what an out of wedlock pregnancy meant. She knew no one would believe that the Holy Spirit of God had impregnated her. But what does she say? “I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said.”

Come screw up my life God. Not only will I unlock the door, but I’ll open the door and keep the kettle on!

I’m not criticizing Mary. Without her obedience and courage, we might still be waiting for the Savior. What I struggle with, and what Mary reminds me of, is that great faith will be greatly rewarded.

I have to believe that Mary had faith large enough to conquer the shame of her pregnancy; faith large enough to hope in God’s plan. She could say “May it be” because she knew that God would see her through. Jesus doesn’t promise that following Him will be easy. But asks that we have faith to see the bigger picture.

Mary had a faith that I can only hope to possess. And the greatness of her faith granted her immense blessings. As painful as it may have been to see her son crucified, there must have been great pride in her heart. “That’s my son! God has blessed me with the opportunity to be his mother!”

Jesus, screw up my life. Screw up my life so much that all I can see is you glorified. I have faith in your salvation and your purpose.

* I realize this is an incredibly sexist and commercial way of thinking. Unfortunately it’s the way the world was and in a way still is. Economics will always influence the decisions we make. It all depends on how we look at the data. Sorry for bringing commerce into the story of Jesus. I’m an economics minor. What can I say??

** Understandably, God would do what He wanted to do. I don’t say this to suppose that Mary could have changed the plans of God by declining the role of “Virgin Mother and Social Outcast Extraordinaire.” I simply mean that I have trouble wrapping my mind around her response to God.

Advent Week 3

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 19:30:00 GMT

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

~Luke 2:8-20~

Imagine this. You’re an overnight security guard. You come to work at a warehouse, that someone else owns, and your job is to make sure that no one breaks in. But with the technology of today, you really don’t have to patrol anything. You just sit in an office and watch the security camera footage. All of a sudden, one TV screen goes black and some guy in a white suit pops up. And he tells you not to be frightened. You spit out your coffee and think to yourself, “I have to switch to decaf.” The guy on the TV starts rambling on about how he has good news for you. You’re rubbing your eyes, but he’s still there on the screen. And now all the other screens are black, showing guys in white suits, and they are all singing!!! You really think you’ve lost it! Before you can flip the record switch to make sure you get some evidence of this hoax, the men are gone, the screens are back to normal. “Bad dream,” you mutter. “Really must switch to decaf.” But then the janitor runs into your office, as if he’s seen a ghost. And he goes on about men in white suits. You retell your vision as well. And you both realize you have definitely not been dreaming.

The shepherds were security guards. They were hired to protect the flocks from thieves and wild animals. It was a fairly lonely type of work, often nomadic, as the flocks roamed from field to field. The more I read over this account, the more ridiculous it seems. The Magi brought Jesus gifts worthy of a King. The shepherds had nothing to offer. If they had visited him it would have been like showing up to a party without an invitation. So why even announce the birth of a King to smelly, loner, possession-less, shepherds? Here in lies the miraculous story of salvation. The angels visited the shepherds not for what they would give to Jesus, but what Jesus would give to them.

Like the shepherds, we are penniless and undesirable before God. There is nothing that we could bring to Him which would in anyway get us closer to reconciliation with Him. Instead He offers to us a gift of the greatest cost; the gift of His Son and the cost of which we do not pay. To receive the gift of the Savior, we must put aside etiquette, and crash the party. Show up without an invitation, without a hostess gift, and simply bow down, worship and receive.

We are the shepherds. We’re not the A-listers. We have no business being at the celebration. Yet, God, in his graciousness, invites us to receive the Savior, despite how unworthy we are. He gives the gift we do not deserve. If we would just believe in Him and in His victory over sin, by His death, we shall be saved!

Disturbing the Peace

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 15:18:47 GMT

One thing I am always fearful of with street parking, is that something can happen to your car, but if it's not parked near your apartment, you may not notice it for a few days. Case in point......

Chris was away in NJ last night. Which was a blessing, because if he had been home last night, he would have been very angry, which would have made me angry, etc, etc.

I was snuggled up in bed. I was warm. I was sound asleep. I was dreaming that there was a traffic jam and someone was laying on their horn. I suddenly was awake and realized that the traffic jam was a dream, but the horn...that was real. It's 2:00am and I walked downstairs and started peering out all the windows. It sounded like a car horn, but the persistence of the noise, made me fear that this was a burglar alarm or a fire alarm. I mustered the gumption to enter the hall way. The noise was definitely outside. But could it possibly be the apartment below us, the entrance to which was on the main street (we enter on the alley). I decided not to worry about it. But now I was awake and the horn was not going to allow me to sleep. I turned on the TV and got under some blankets.

Then someone started ringing our door bell. BUZZ-buz-buz-buz-BUUUUZZZZZ-buz-buz-BUZ! Honestly! I stumbled to the door, knocked over my glass of water, ran to get a towel, mopped up the spill, ran to the door. The voice on the other end of the intercom said that the car in question, was registered to this address. I knew it wasn't mine; Chris had the car and was in NJ. But the man asked if I would go through the building and try to awaken my neighbors. Perhaps it was their car. I couldn't get the girls across the hall. I didn't even try the guy upstairs. I threw on my coat, grabbed my keys and phone and headed outside to ask if they had tried the front apartment. Outside, was a police car, a tow truck, and our downstairs neighbors. It was their car. The tow guy said that he thinks the battery is about to die, and it caused the horn to malfunction. He disconnected the battery for the night. It was once again quiet.

I thanked the police officer for coming (who know who called him) and said that I was the apt he has buzzed. I went upstairs, but was now wide awake. I turned on a Debi Reynolds movie and watched that till about 3:15. I went back to bed, and overslept my alarm this morning. Great night!!

I'm so glad that I took the rest of the day off!!

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 20:56:35 GMT

The last week and a half have been extremely trying.
1) I can't seem to get people to realize that I am not longer the point of contact on this contract. I've moved on. There is a new guy; talk to him. Because of the breakdown in communication between my replacement and the team, he doesn't learn, they lean on me, and I end up doing everything.

2) We're preparing for the new year. I've never done this. It's been very challenging. I think I'm on version 58 of my forecast. I honestly don't know what version I'm truly on. I'm making tweaks every single day. It's challenging.

3) One of my best friends had twins last Friday. Yay! I cried more than I thought I would. Not only are the babies absolutely precious, but she is the closest friend of mine to have children. When people I knew started having children it was just plain weird. Now it's a feeling party of astonishment and a bit encouragement. I'm so proud of her and how she carried these babies for 8 months. I supposed when I have my own babies, the wonder will wear off and the reality of "yes-we-are-old-enough-to-have-kids" will settle in.

4) I hate Chris' current schedule. We go about 5 days without seeing one another. He's stressed at work. I'm stressed at work. The fact that I'm dead tired when he gets home at midnight, doesn't help. It's been very lonely.

5) Coupled with the lonlieness, I feel an overall disattachment to people here. It's all in my head. But I think all the emotions from above, are starting to affect how I interact with people. I'm lonely. But also too........umm....proud perhaps?.........to call anyone up to have a coffee date and share my soul. I am frequently on the brink of tears. Because I'm tired. Because I'm lonely. Because I'm envious. Because I feel left out. Because I feel like I don't measure up.

Just one more day, then I can rest. I am so glad I decided to take Friday off. We're getting our Christmas tree this weekend. I'm very excited.

Advent Week 2

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 13:00:00 GMT

On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise him, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he had been conceived.

When the time of their purification according to the Law of Moses had been completed, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, "Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord"), and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: "a pair of doves or two young pigeons.”

Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord's Christ. Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:
"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
      you now dismiss your servant in peace.
For my eyes have seen your salvation,
    which you have prepared in the sight of all people,
a light for revelation to the Gentiles
      and for glory to your people Israel."

The child's father and mother marveled at what was said about him. Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too."

~Luke 2:21-35~

While the scripture above is not what one might consider as part of the Nativity story, I’ve recently clung to this passage. As I mentioned last week, the season of Advent is meant to prepare our hearts for the worship of the King. An entire month of knowing He will come and excitedly waiting for Him to do so. I find no better picture of this than in Simeon.

The Bible doesn’t say how old Simeon was, nor does it say when God made His promise to Simeon. I imagine that the time between the promise and its fulfillment was at least several decades. Of course no one say with certainty how old Simeon was, but Wikipedia sites that in the tradition of the Eastern Orthodox Church, Simeon was perhaps well over 200 years of age when he met Jesus in the temple.

In this number of years, Simeon saw all his friends and family pass away from him. He saw powers rise and fall. He no doubt questioned, as I so often do, the timing of God’s promise. I can imagine on his 200^th birthday, he rose from bed; bones weak, joints aching from arthritis, sight clouded by cataracts; hoping that today was the day! Year after year he had faithfully waited in the heat and the cold, hoping to see the Messiah.

What must he have thought on that February* day when he rose to go to the temple. “It’s early. My bones are tired. I’d rather just sit here and sip some tea.” However, the Holy Spirit would not be silent. For today was the day! And in an instant of seeing the infant he knew! The years of waiting, the pain of loss, the desperate loneliness, the desire for final rest were all forgotten in the moment that he SAW HIS SALVATION!

I tear up when I think of this spectacular moment! How long have I waited for the promises of God. A year? A month? Nothing in comparison to Simeon. So often I wish that God would fulfill His promise, so that I can lie down and be at rest. But we should live in such a manner that celebrates the birth of the Savior and like Simeon expectantly await His return. God promised that He would.

This year, I want to learn from Simeon. Instead of rushing through stores to buy presents, or second guessing God’s promises, I want to anticipate the Messiah and jubilantly worship Him when He comes. I want to be humbled by my salvation. To embrace the peace which Christ has brought. The Good News has come and will come again. Let us merrily await His coming!

*The period of purification required by the Law was 40 days. It then assumes that Jesus was brought to the temple in early February, if of course he was born in late December. There is uncertainty over the actual date of birth of Jesus. Most Christians believe that the current date was chosen to coincide with and discourage festivals celebrating the winter solstice. From all the speculation I have heard, He was born in either late December, late March, or late May.

Pain in the Neck (Literally)

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 17:36:48 GMT

I know that stress can expose the human body to physical pain. I get migraines when I'm under a lot of stress. But I think I have a new symptom. Half way through Wednesday I started to get a very stiff neck. By the time I got home from work, I was experiencing a pinch of pain whenever I turned my head to the left. I woke up on Thursday, feeling a bit better, but the pain quickly came back once I was at work. By the time I got home, my whole left arm felt funny. Almost like I had on a tourniquet and my circulation was compromised. But I still had feeling and my arm was warm (signs that blood flow was ok). It didn't throb, it just was annoying. I slept on my back for most of the night, (something I never do) because it was the only comfortable position.

By Thursday night I was so over this! Massages didn't help. Tylenol didn't help. I was pulling out the big guns. I sent up a prayer for healing! And God is good b/c I woke up this morning without any pain in my neck, shoulder, or arm.

God is always good. Don't let what I have to say next make you think otherwise. But that dumb, nagging pain is back. I was on a very heated conference call this morning. I've been working non-stop today. That's why I'm thinking stress is the culprit. I thought perhaps it was the way I was sitting at my desk. I tend to hunch over to read the teeny tiny numbers on my spreadsheets. Who knows.

The thing that is stressing me out the most is the fact that I still am doing two different jobs. I have trained my replacement. If he doesn't know what to do, it's not because I haven't told him 50 times. But no one seems to want to recognize him as the FA. Not my planner, not the project manager, not the CFO. I'm the one they come to. I guess part of me is flattered. It shows they trust me a lot. But I can't do two jobs forever. My planner told me today that he's thankful that I've continued to take the lead on this, b/c otherwise it would have fallen through the cracks. He's right. I'm not going to let this fall. Perhaps I have not let go enough and that's why I'm stressed. I truly believe that if I had quit, or been on maternity leave during all this, the new guy would have floundered. Not because he's not a good FA (and honestly I don't know anything about the caliber of his work before this) but b/c no one would communicate with him.

It's frustrating (and stressful). I shouldn't have to worry about this. It's not my problem anymore. And it's not my fault if my manager selected a not so ideal replacement. UGH! At least it's Friday and I have a relaxing weekend to enjoy. For now though, it's off to another meeting. *sigh*

Advent Week 1

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 16:00:00 GMT

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magifrom the east came to Jerusalem and asked, "Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him."

When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. When he had called together all the people's chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Christ was to be born. "In Bethlehem in Judea," they replied, "for this is what the prophet has written:
" 'But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
      are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
   for out of you will come a ruler
      who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.'"

Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem and said, "Go and make a careful search for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him."

After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.

When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi.

~Matthew 2:1-12, 16~

Most of us have heard the story before (and if not, let me know and I’ll share). On a ‘wintry’ night in Bethlehem, some 2,000 years ago, a virgin gave birth and God once again dwelt with man. The Christmas story is full of miracles. The virgin birth has to be at the top of the list. But there’s also a spontaneous chorus of angels, a star that just appeared out of no where, and prophetic dreams. As Sunday marked the first week of Advent, the season of expectant waiting for the Christ’s birth to be celebrated, I wanted to write about the parts of the Nativity that have always touched me.

Faith in God and His Son and Spirit is sometimes easy for me because it’s all I’ve ever know. It was how my parents raised me. But for most everything else, I’m a bit more skeptical. I think logically. Science is key. Cause and effect. You get the idea. Most people think that the Christmas story is all bunk and you need to throw all logic out the window to believe it. Not true. The Magi are the logic. And here’s how.

The Magi were star gazers...ancient astronomers. While they did believe that there was great meaning in the positioning and timing of stars, and that they could interpret this meaning, they were very much educated in heavenly bodies. Let’s be honest, would you be able to look at the same sky every night and notice any difference in the lights above? Consider the fact that you don’t have computer mapping. Or high powered telescopes. Yeah, not so easy huh?

There has been much speculation as to what the Star of Bethlehem, which marked the coming of Christ, might have been. A comet, a nova, a conjunction of planets, a new star that we could still see today? My opinion is that it was none of these, but that’s not the point. Whatever this “star” was it was spectacular enough to get these wizened, old men off their butts and on the road to goodness knows where.

From the scripture above, we know that the Magi traveled for about two years. Two years! Logical men of knowledge left everything they knew and followed a star for two years, never knowing when it would stop, or where they would end up. They must have been crazy! But when I think about it again, they really weren’t crazy. They simply recognized the significance of God’s cosmic birth announcement. And even still, when they arrived to behold a young peasant child, they didn’t question their maps or charts. They didn’t declare that they had read the heavens wrong. They believed, because there was enough science to prove that this was a King; regardless of the simple surroundings, regardless of how impossible it may seem that the child of a carpenter could rule the world.

The Magi had little to go on, I’ll admit. I know more about this King who they came to worship. Yet they got up and followed the star; I stay in my lavish palace. The Magi found Christ because they sought Him. Oh the wonderful gift it is to know my Savior. This season I pray that you and I will seek and worship Him, not because of the science, but because of the truth!